And Then We Were Three
It was a pregnancy test. It had two red lines.
It was a Saturday.
One of those Saturdays that feel like a well-deserved break from an extremely hectic week. That week, Lagos out-did itself.
A philandering politician was in town so the roads were blocked, traffic was worse than Lagos in the thick of December, the month was coming to an end so reports had to be complied, strategies for the new month had to be submitted, and March being women’s month put more pressure on the team to come up with ideas which had to be approved before the end of the week.
And so that Saturday, we were knackered. The universe was kind enough to give us a cloudy cold day as compensation for the rubbish weather we suffered through during the week. His arm was around my neck and with the way the back of my head was pressed into his face, I am very sure my locs were blocking off his air.
On any other day, I would have wrestled out of his arms and he would probably have set my head straight because my thick locs keep trying to kill him but today, we were knocked out. The sight of the both of us must have been hilarious because he snores when he’s extra tired and me? I drool.
My mother in law must have called like 50 times because we promised to see her today but I don’t think either one of us had the brain capacity to know how to put one foot in front of the other right now.
It was lights out for us until a light actually came on in my subconscious and I remembered what I did earlier that week. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. I was about to do something that’ll change both our lives forever. I crawled from under his arms and slowly went around the bed to pick something from the drawer.
I came to his side of the bed and stared at him. I like looking at his face when he’s asleep. It’s relaxed. There’s none of the furrowed brows. There’s just this laxed boyish face. As I stared, I wondered why God gave thick lashes and full lips to those who don’t deserve it. Should I give him a few more minutes to sleep as a man without this knowledge?
I was still deciding when those annoyingly gorgeous eyelashes on the man I love fluttered. He opened his eyes.
“Babe?”
“Hmn?”
He blinked, “Why are you standing there like a ghost?”
“Hmn”
I looked around. My fist closed tighter around the thing I was holding. He tugged on my shirt - actually his shirt- and his lips spread across his face. I knew what was coming. I stepped back and the smile disappeared.
“This is what got us here”
“Huh?”
His eyes automatically went down to my right hand like he knew. I raised it. It was a pregnancy test. It had two red lines.
Shit.
That’s fiction. No, I am not pregnant. Yes, I had an ultrasound scan done earlier in the week but for something else.
Although the story above is fictional, I have a feeling that’s how I’d feel if I were married and I found out I was pregnant. I don’t know when my opinion of having kids shifted because I always wanted kids but something took a turn. I will not delve into it in this letter because my mum reads my newsletter and it’s not a conversation I have the strength to have with her right now.
Last week, she called me concerning my last post on Biodun and reiterated so many times that I should never let him into my house again because that kind of man could assault me.
I laughed and told her if Biodun was going to do that, he’d have done it. She disagreed and said the devil could enter him one day.
Anyway, back to having kids, I have a letter in my drafts but I can’t send it out until I am sure my mother will not be reading but that will never happen because my mother loves a good gossip.
Now, as the mother to my younger brother, I am quite confused on why she isn’t satisfied.
Last week, someone told me that my younger brother was the model Nigerian kid and as I thought about it, I realised it is so true.
A brilliant kid that always swooped all the prizes on prize giving day. Became head boy in school. Very religious. A doctor that got married the minute he was done with med school. He married another doctor. He has a job. And he just had a baby boy. (I am now officially an aunt. Albeit Father’s side but beggars can’t be choosers).
My mother should be satisfied with that but she isn’t. I get why. I am the first child and only girl so I must give her a baby but since I got adult information into childbirth and child rearing, I don’t know if I will be partaking.
Like I said, I have a newsletter that’ll probably explain this further but I’ll leave it sitting in my drafts for now. In case I wake up tomorrow and want 10 children.
However the ultrasound scan you saw had no baby in it and a medical professional would have spotted that immediately but there’s something there that I am not ready to share.
I have to go back and do another scan. The doctor said it could be good news or bad news.
If it’s good, we continue the hustle of life.
And if it’s the opposite, well… we prepare.
Thank you for reading my letter again today.
As usual,
I love you and stay safe, these men are impregnating people up and down. Cover yourself.
I can’t pick one song this week so I shared two covers by Tems and Luke Burr.
Note: Please if anybody can buy me DreamCount from America, I’d appreciate it please. I’ll pay. Thank you.
Hauwa, you’re strengthened and you’re fine through God’s mercy
I hope it's good news, Hauwa❤️