Feel All The Love You Have While You Can
I have once been so in love that my own mother asked me if he used jazz on me
A few days ago, I was scrolling mindlessly through Instagram when I came across an Instagram post of a young man who had just lost his wife.
I do not follow this man but I knew of him because he once posted a goofy video of himself and his wife. Once in a while, I’d spend some time on his account, watching them and enamoured by the life they created. It was on one of these visits last year that I found out that they officially got married in a beautiful cultural ceremony. They looked gorgeous together. They held each other like they were so sure of this love. She looked happy.
And then I came across the post of her death.
I’ve only had one encounter with death but this one encounter was enough to switch everything in my brain.
Someone once asked me - How have some of the things you’ve experienced altered the way that you see life?
My mind immediately went to Temi, my best friend. She radicalised the way that I saw love and life.
Before Temi died, I was one of those people who didn’t like calling people their ‘best-friend’ so I never called Temi mine. But she was the one I loved speaking to the most. The one I talked to everyday. We talked about starting a business together. She knew the most about my relationship at the time and I knew the most about hers. She was, simply put, the best friend I had at the time.
I always knew life was temporary but I never truly internalised it until Temi’s death.
It taught me to love fiercely. When I love you, you’ll know. I don’t hide it. I love with no boundaries or barriers. I love like it’s the last time I’d ever be able to love you. I do not know if there is another life or if I’d find my loved ones in it so in this one, I love them like my life depends on it.
A few days ago, I said something mumu-ish and my friend called me a lover girl. I felt embarrassed for a bit but then, I embraced it. I only have this one life. I want to be the girl that you know will love you with her entire chest. I may not give you my money (because God forbid plis lmaoooo), but you’ll never be in doubt of the love I have for you. Unless you messop sha.
I have once been so in love that my own mother asked me if he used jazz on me. See, that’s the kind of love I want to feel and the one I want felt for me.
GIVE ME THE JAZZ ALLEGATIONS. INJECT IT INTO MY VEINS.
Of course, it has its drawbacks. LMAOOOOO
People will try to take advantage of you. So you sef, be ready to stand up and walk away. But until that happens, please don’t tone down your capacity to love.
Sometimes, so much gets in the way of love. You’re scared they’ll reject you. You have a massive ego, you’re mad at them, you think they might not love you anymore, you think they love someone else. Bullshit.
Tell them today because they might not be here anymore by the time you’re ‘ready’.
Obviously, I am not saying waste all the love you have to give on an abuser, a chronic cheat or a downright shitty person. Please don’t do that.
But once you’ve found a love that is true and genuine, please hold them tight. Do not let them go. Tell them you love them at every chance you get. Cherish the time you have together now. Travel together. Share a bowl of food on a deserted road and eat all the meat. Laugh with them. Make fun of the crows feet that appear when they laugh and then kiss it until they giggle. Call your parents, if you still have them. Tell them you love them and send them money. Don’t forget your daddy’s birthday like I did. Reach out to your siblings to accuse them of not calling you and then get off the phone before they can bill you.
A friend once told me that she believed I was in love with someone because I believed I could not do better.
I asked her that if she got married but found someone better within few months of marriage (which always happens), does she leave?
The fool said yes.
But you can’t always leave.
You choose someone that is good for you and then, you love them. And continue to love them through everything.
AGAIN ‘EVERYTHING’ IN THIS CONTEXT DOES NOT MEAN THINGS LIKE BREAKING YOUR HEAD A LITTLE BIT EVERY SUNDAY OR GIVING YOU STIS EVERY MONTH.
In conclusion, I guess the whole point of this letter is to beg you to hold your partner a bit longer today, get a few more minutes of cuddles in, whisper some nonsense in their ear, give them goosebumps and tell them you love them and you’ll always love them.
As always,
I love you,
Hauwa.
Today’s song is Calico Skies and it’s dedicated to you.
This is one of the most beautiful things I've listened to. Listened to because there's a way you put words that they come to life and they speak to you. I've had people tell me as a guy, you can't love too much, that there should be a sprinkle of macho, but I love sitting at the window seat on my flights listening to a playlist I'd put together while replaying beautiful memories in my head and looking out the window. Lol.
And this comes as a result of the fact that I've learned there are people who notice you only when you shine, or when you fall into the darkness. Not the average you. Not the mediocre you. But the great you, or the not-so-great you. The people who are worthiest of your care are not those who only notice you at your best and worst but those who see you at all times.
They don't need an excuse to love you.They don't need an excuse to talk to you, or to ask you how you're doing, They don't need an excuse to share their happiness with you. They don't need an explanation. They give you one without you asking for it. They assume the good in you before the bad. And so I always say keep eyes open just so you don't miss those people. Once you find them, never let them go because those are not just friends but family members. They're life companions. They are the people who will tell you when you are wrong simply because they've allowed themselves to tie their well-being to yours.
Thank you so much, Hauwa.
I always wonder when people starts dating or giving relationship advice and they start giving advises such as "don't love a guy too much or don't show your girl that you love her cos they will start misbehaving"
I always thought it weird cos this is someone you willingly brought into your life. Unlike your parents or siblings that you had no choice in selecting, this person is someone you willingly choose. You decided you were going to date them and then you starve them of your love??deliberately?? That's witchcraft.
As much as love has shown me premium shege, I'm such a lovergirl that if I do decide to love again, I'm sure I will love bastardly. And if I see that the love I give is not reciprocated, I always pray for wisdom to walk away gracefully.
Thank you Hauwa for this love note. I love it and I love you so so much..