Groovy Is That Affliction They Say Must Not Rise Again

But Groovy’s penis is always rising! Why? #BBNaija

I recently started watching Big Brother Naija but not because my daddy finally subscribed for GOtv. No, we are still broke and our TV is not working (more on that later).

The reason I can finally watch it is because I’m dating a new man that has a big TV.

Your man doesn’t have TV? E no get moni abi?

Now, anyone that watches the show knows who the community ashewo is and today, it’s his matter we are going to table.

Groovy. This yellow boy with pink hair.

Groovy is one of the housemates on the show and since he came into the house a month ago, he has been with 3 different women.

I know they said Yoruba boys will forever have the demon title but under a month, Groovy has shown us that Igbo men can take that title any time they want. As a matter of fact, they are just letting Yoruba men keep the title because they know it makes them happy.

Groovy behaves like someone that knows his death date and is just trying to enjoy life to the fullest because tell me why this man is unremorsefully jumping from one woman to another inside the same house.

And it’s not Groovy’s ashewo vibes that is hurting my soul, it is the way the women are reacting. Nothing wrong in chopping and cleaning mouth but why are you crying over an ashewo boy?

Look, I am a feminist through and through. I believe in equal rights for women but if you’re foolish, you’re foolish. 

Initially, Groovy was with a (now disqualified) housemate called Beauty and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Until Beauty went to fight, effectively disqualifying herself from winning 100 Million Naira. Why? Because she saw Groovy dancing with Chomzy.

With Beauty gone, Groovy dusted his boxers and moved to Phyna because he didn’t come to this life to suffer.

Now, this is where Phyna’s madness comes in.

A man that was all over another woman days ago suddenly starts moving to you. Weird flex but okay.

You allow small enjoyment because body is not firewood. You’re human after all.

God now decides to take this goat out of your life and you start crying? What kind of playing  is that?

God, looking at Phyna crying like a bush baby.

Now, this same man has been moved out of the house to another one and he is moving to the same Chomzy that led to Beauty’s disqualification??????? 

Men will disgrace somebody 😂

No, this season is too full of drama. Completely made up for the blandness of that last season. If you think what I have described so far is drama, remember that this is only one love polygon. There are others in the house. You should absolutely catch it on DSTV channel 198 or GOTv channel 29.

Now, you might be laughing at this but I know you have your own Groovy somewhere. Don’t even lie.

My own Groovy was a guy called Shina but he is no more in my life. Not because I had the sense to kick him out of my life. No no. I have sense normally but it didn’t reach up to that.

And you know

He came to see me in the house for foki foki but my daddy came back from asalatu early so I told Shina to pretend like he was a thief to scare my father.

Omo. The minute my daddy entered and Shina shouted ‘lie down’ like this, my daddy banged camp gas on his head.

Omo.

I was just shouting yeh yeh yeh. My dad thought it was because I was scared. Me that I was thinking gas might have damaged this boy’s brain and he won’t remember me again. Or worse, he wouldn’t remember how to do all those things he knew how to do.

I was just crying that night like a widow. In retrospect, I understand Phyna now.

Guys, stay away from penis. It destroys lives.

Anyway, our TV is still on our wall. It's not even like the thing was working before because if it was, will i be coming to man’s house to watch BBNaija?

Back to Shina, they arrested him but he is getting out June 7, 2023. A day after my birthday, guyssss. 🥰🥰🥰

I guess I have a birthday present waiting for me. God will sha let him remember me because if not, he will toast me again.

Why? Because this is me when they say foolishness is up for grabs.

This babe will kill me for this picture I used but she’s mad and we move.

Back to Groovy, he is up for eviction again this week and by the time this letter gets to you, he may have gone home but I highly doubt that. He brings the drama and Nigerians loveee drama.

Anyway, I’ll keep bringing sweet gist like this to you. You already know I no dey slack with this newsletter so subscribe and tell your friends to subscribe too.

Your loyal Jagidijagan,

Hauwawu. 😁