How Did I Spend This Much In September?

I had 5 credit alerts and 207 debit alerts

OCTOBER 1

I’d been staring at the account statement on my phone for 15 minutes now. How did I spend this much? How did I let it get this bad? My brain was pounding. Or was it my chest? I was not sure but what did it matter? The more pressing question is - who spent my money? I peered into my phone willing the figures to rearrange themselves into something my brain could comprehend but they remained the same.

Am I not in trouble like this?

I looked closer. I had 5 credit alerts and 207 debit alerts. The pounding continued. I was sure it was my chest now. How did I arrive at these numbers?

I knew it was Tomi’s fault. That blond-haired albino witch.

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AUGUST 27

“Delayed gratification is dead o. You better enjoy your money now!”

The words rolled out of Tomi’s mouth, followed by a chuckle. I laughed along with her on FaceTime as I pulled my covers higher up my chin. I’d been in bed all day. Her nose scrunched up, creasing her flawless makeup.

“Why are you home?”

She was talking to me but looking about, trying to avoid the cars that were zooming past. I figured she was on Admiralty Road, probably trying to find her Uber.

“I don’t have money please”, I responded.

That was my default response whenever someone asked me to spend money I didn’t think was necessary. To an extent, it was true. I really didn’t have money to spend on nonsense.

“Hauwa you better spend this money. Delayed gratification is dead o. You better enjoy your money now!”

I opened my mouth to respond but my friend cut me off before I even started.

“My uber guy is calling me. Byeeee”

She ended the call and I slid deeper under my duvet.

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OCTOBER 1

DELAYED GRATIFICATION IS NOT DEAD O. I AM THE ONE THAT IS DEAD.

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SEPTEMBER 1

After my conversation with Tomi in August, I decided to enjoy my life because like she said delayed gratification was no longer a thing. Especially in this economy where the price of everything went up by the second. I needed to give myself a comfortable life.

So in September, I decided that I didn’t need to be cooking as much and I ordered in almost everyday.

I noticed I didn’t have enough shoes for special occasions so I treated myself to three pairs of shoes from an Instagram vendor. My mother almost went into shock when I told her I bought shoes online. She said we could have gotten them for cheaper at Eko market but going to Eko was stressful and I was trying to avoid stress in September.

After that, I replaced my skincare products. I admit, I always do this so it was not much of a splurge.

I also ate out a lot. This is different from ordering in. On certain days, I’d dress up and go out with my friends to enjoy the Lagos night scene. I’m not an outside girlie but remember September was my month to enjoy myself. I wanted to try everything.

I gave some money my security guards and smiled as they hailed me. I usually give them something small but this time I doubled the amount. Why? Money is for spending.

Call me Big Money H

I also bought a few pieces from a Nigerian designer I absolutely love. She charges an arm and a leg but if not now, when? Until she increases her prices? Abeg o. Remember what Tomi said?

Anyway, I could go on and on about my spending for the month but I think you get the gist. I had a fantastic time in September. A really swell time. I was in the clouds.

But you know the thing about being high? You can’t stay there forever, you have to come down.

But I didn’t come down. No. I was slammed down.

When I checked my account statement on OCT 1, I was shivering.

I don’t have to tell you how much I spent, you can do the maths.

I finally put my phone down, turned off the screen showing me the account balance and went to take a shower.

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When I came out, I told myself I had honestly done too much. That albino witch I called my friend had gotten into my head and I had forgotten that I had rent to pay in December.

But you know the crazy thing? I could sit here and beat myself up about spending recklessly but I actually hadn’t been that reckless. I had not spent on luxury items. I had not gone to exceedingly expensive restaurants. I had not bought a fancy bag or taken expensive trips. I had not made huge purchases or bought real estate. I had only made my life comfortable.

And that’s the harsh reality of living in Nigeria. This country will have you thinking you’re splurging meanwhile you’re just buying food.

Did I have a swell time in September? Oh yes

Will I do it again? Probably not.

Simply because I can’t. I have goals, projects and responsibilities.

That’s the life of a young Nigerian. You simply can’t afford to give yourself a life of ease and comfort. I am lucky to have been able to fund my month of ‘reckless’ financial abandon but can I sustain it? Nope.

So here I am. Back to cooking in my house and pricing my rides on inDrive.

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There is no lesson in this newsletter.

The gist is simply that - I am the fool that went on a ball in September and has been regretting it everyday in October. 

If you’re one of the few who can sustain a comfortable life, you don’t know what God has done for you.

Anyway, I am off to recover from my financial foolishness.

Have you ever been in my situation? Tell me in the comments.

Today’s song is I Love You, I’m Sorry by Gracie Abrams