How Does It Feel To Be A Celebrity?

Pahdin?

“OMG It’s my first time meeting a celebrity”

I blinked once. And then I blinked again.

The sound was coming from a twenty-something year old girl in an ankara dress, honey brown braids bunched atop her head and bright red lipstick. She was smiling so much, I thought her red lips were going to keep expanding until she turned into the feminine version of Joker.

“Can I hug you? Are you coming to shop at Shoprite?”

“Yes”, I replied to both questions but my mind was still stuck on the first thing she said. She hugged me and grabbed my hand to walk me into the supermarket as though we had come to shop together.

“How does it feel to be a celebrity?”

That word again.

Me? Celeb?

“I just came down from keke o”, I laughed as I said it. She didn’t. In fact her face fell.

“Keke?”

Damn. I have disappointed my fan but I dug deeper. Lmao. Me, that I don’t have sense.

“Uber from where I was coming from was N3,400 and Keke was N200 sooo…”, I laughed again.

She really did not find this one funny because I felt her grip loosen. I sha thanked God because the last thing I wanted was to go shopping with someone I had just met. What if I was trying to decide whether to buy the cheap cornbeef or just go without it this month and this girl grabs the expensive cornbeef for her celebrity?

Or I’m jejeli reaching for Golden Penny spaghetti but she swats my hand away and dumps Barilla Spaghetti in my cart?

HAY! HORROR FILM.

I quickly stopped. Let us not see devil this morning.

“I am waiting for my friend and he will take sometime”

“He? Friend?”, she smiled suggestively.

I nodded and smiled suggestively too even though the only inkling of sexual male company I have had this month is that boy from Rebel Ridge. Because I was looking at him too damn much. I have watched that film like 3 times and I still don’t know what is going on.

Side note: This boy cannot tell me he is not an ashewo because look at that face.

Anyway, she released me from her grip o. Help me shout ALLAHU AKBAR

“Okay, I will go but don’t stop giving us content o. My favourite celebrity”

God in heaven.

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Let me explain my thought process to you people and you can correct me if you think I am wrong.

I think creators deserve their flowers because creating content is not a walk in the park but in the same vein, I also think lawyers, secretaries, marketing personnels, doctors, bus drivers (okay maybe not danfo drivers) deserve their flowers because it is ALL a job. 

So I find it hilarious. Just downright funny when someone calls me a celebrity and expects me to live up to some standard. You have gotten the wrong person o. The wrongest one in fact.

If I am a celebrity in your eyes, that’s fantastic but I am not going to make stupid financial decisions to impress people that I don’t know.

The same way, I am not going to buy a Benz and flaunt it on social media until I can afford it or spend half my income on a dress because of branding. Let branding go to hell.

Don’t get me wrong, there are personalities that simply cannot take public transport because they are in fact celebrities and it is a safety risk but lil ol’ me?? LMAO?? I am actually the societal risk. The only reason I didn’t steal from the shoprite I went to is because they might catch me and my village people will do party to celebrate my downfall.

And we just can’t have that.

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I was relaying this encounter with the young girl  to an acquaintance and a woman overheard our conversation. She told us that she suffered from that idea of ‘keeping up’ for the longest time.

She used to work for a broadcast station that told her she couldn’t take public transport because a staff from that organisation must not be seen in such conditions. She also had to move to the island on a meagre salary.

She was very firm on making sure I didn’t let any pressure drive me into debt.

And you know what? From now on, I’ll be walking around with a stick. The next time someone calls me a celebrity:

And before I finish this letter, this has nothing to do with humility because I am not humble at all and everyone will find out the minute my hand touches bastard money.

I just think if you’re carrying shoulder up and rude because you have followers on Instagram, your head is indeed not correct, you’re not well and frankly, you need to get over yourself.

Yes, I am angry because I have met someone like that.

50k followers, a movie appearance and he was shouting up and down like a billy goat.

sparemethebullsheet

Okay, till I write to you again, enjoy the song of the week - Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls.