How I climbed Iroko Tree Because of Pulpy Orange

The devil likes to use me for experiment and I don't know why.

Before I start.

Let me shamelessly plug in my Èṣù series - It’s about the calculating daughter of a wealthy chief who has a penchant for killing. Get in a comfortable position and binge it here.

Now, to the matter at hand.

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I should probably let you know that my roommate (Bukola) and I don’t have sense.

One iota of sense like this, is not in our head. The only thing there is Eggroll. Eggroll and Pulpy Orange.

Now, Bukola gets her steady supply of pulpy and eggroll from men while I sit at home because is it for pulpy orange that I will off pant?

But alas! It will indeed be because of pulpy that I will off my pant of chastity!

Because I no get money. *cries in sapa*

One day, Bukola came home with pulpy and eggroll as usual and I couldn’t take it anymore so, I told her to get me clients!

*gulps Bukola’s pulpy and prays for the pulpy people*

Bukola told me they only like girls who wear skimpy uniforms but what is uniform that I can’t wear? So we decided I’d be meeting a client tomorrow - Baba Akani Oni Pulpy.

I entered okada to the place but when I got there, I shouted HAY! Is this shrine I am seeing? And why did they write Baba Akani Elewe Omo in front?! WHERE IS THE PULPY!

Baba Akani heard my voice and came out.

Baba Akani: Why are you wearing petrol station uniform with face cap? Do you want to come and sell petrol here?

Me: They said you like uniform

Baba Akani: Is it now Mobil’s own? And why did you wear rain boot?

Me: To match.

Baba Akani:

Anyway, inside the house, Baba Akani said I should dance for him.

Me: *singing* Ade Ori Okinnnn

Baba Akani: Hope you’re not mad? 

Me: No.

Baba Akani: Off your trouser.

I was a little shy but I removed it and stood there. Like a greek goddess in all her sexual beauty. *cue sexy music* Pa ran ran

Baba Akani: *stares* Why are you wearing big pampers?

Me: *looks down* I have condition. I use to poopoo.

Baba Akani just started shouting. I said “Ha, no vex now. Okay, I will do any style you want”

That’s how pulled me outside and said he likes to do it on Iroko tree.

“Ha, when you’re not a monkey?”

Baba Akani: I say climb the tree!

That’s how I climbed and when I reached the top, Baba Akani asked me to remove my pampers. And bumbum was kuku already scratching me so I threw it at his head. 

The way they use to throw pant inside blue film.

Baba Akani: Did you shit in this pampers!

Me: (holds branch and shouts) I TOLD YOU I HAVE CONDITION! IT IS SPIRITUAL

Baba Akani: Why can’t I see your bumbum from here! Why is your bumbum black?

Me: Will my face be black and my bumbum be yellow!

Baba Akani: Be bleaching your bumbum! Now, I can’t see anything!

And he stormed off in anger.

Me: Baba? Babs?? Babs Akans??? Is this where I will sleep??? Won’t I see pulpy??? Baba!!!! Throw pampers for me! Baba? Can you ask Ifa about my condition! It’s really affecting my life. They break up with me last month because of this thing.

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