It's Like Repenting Is Not For Me

Because I don't know again.

One thing they don’t tell you about repenting is that some idiots will try to block your way to the path of righteousness. Why? They don’t want to see you enter paradise.

Apologies for the insult, I am fasting but some people can make someone sin. 

Let me jump right into the letter before I confuse you.

Now, Ramadan is here and during this month, you have to be good.

So, if you’ve been collecting haram intercourse, you stop it and find your way back to God. If your eye use to enter another person’s money or relationship, you close it tight. And if they usually do see you inside silver fox every Friday, you carry that your useless leg and face the mosque. 

Mahmud, I am talking to you.

I know some of you will still not change because you have strong head but I decided that I will not be one of you anymore. I first blocked Kabiru because he is a bad influence in my life. Then, yesterday morning, I went to Olori Ebi’s room to apologise for everything I have done and told him I’m ready to change.

So, in the evening, he took me to the mosque and everything was going well until Alfa Nuru carried mic to preach.

Alfa Nuru: Today, 3 people will quickly tell us what they want to leave behind this Ramadan.

Me: (raises hand)

Alhaja Odunjo: Hauwa wants to talk.

Alfa Monsuru: Don’t give her mic o. E ma fun o. (Don’t give her o).

Alfa Nuru: Is she not the one Olori Ebi brought today?

Olori Ebi: Yes sir.

Alfa Nuru: Give her mic then.

Me: (collects mic to sing and dance) Mori a ba bika ya Ramaaadannnn

Alfa Jamiu: Heis! Talk fast. People are waiting.

Me: This month, I want to stop doing picker work for Alfa Monsuru

All The Alfas:

Alfa Nuru: Which one is picker again?

Alfa Monsuru: Nothing Alfa Agba. She don’t know what she is saying.

Alfa Jamiu: Yahoo Yahoo. That’s what they are doing.

Olori Ebi: Hauwa!

Me: Nobody should call my name. I’m doing confession.

Alfa Nuru: Yahoo?

Alfa Nuru:

Me: (nods) Hein. We are the one that clear Alhaji Kazeem account last year

Alhaji Kazeem: (jumps up) owo mi

Alfa Monsuru: Is a lie o

Me: I use ogun to swear 

Alfa Ogunojemite: Ogun ninu moshalahi? (Ogun inside moshalashi?)

Me: Sorry sir… We sha clear his account when he was on vacation with Muti

Alfa Nuru: MUTI?!

Alhaja Kazeem: Alhaji went where? With who?

Me: He went to Mexico with Muti last month. That’s when we clear it. 

Alhaji Kazeem:

Me: (frowns and hisses) Anyway, I just want to stop all these thing and face my life so, I want you to first pray for me.

Alhaja: Who is Muti, first of fost.

Me: The girl that your husband carry abroad. But it is Alfa Nuru that was first sleeping w…

Alfa Nuru: Heis! Shut up… Shut up there and get out!

Gen starts misbehaving.

Alfa Nuru: Petrol has finished? Mama Alaba?

Mama Alaba: Sah

Alfa Nuru: Didn’t you just contribute fuel for the mosque?

Mama Alaba: Yes. I don’t know why it just off.

Me: In the spirit of confessing, I am the one that told my boyfriend to suck all the petrol from the gen.

Alfa Nuru: Our gen??

Me: But in my defense, we have plan this one since last week. So, it is not today’s work. So I am still a righteous slave.

Alfa Nuru: (throws sandal at me)

Gen: KPOW

Everyone: …

Nobody: ….

Me: That’s your engine that have knock.

Mama Alaba:

They have sha chased me away from their mosque. They didn’t even let me break my fast there before they chased me.

So help me buy my comic book here so I can see money to eat. 

Buy my comic book or I sell Nigeria.

Oya no vex. This is the link. -  https://selar.co/jn53

Buy please.

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Love you to pieces,

Iyawo Kabs.