On Consistency And Negative Opinions

‘We don’t find your content relevant anymore. Go back to your village, this sh*t is getting embarrassing!’

Okay People. Deep breath. 😮‍💨

Today’s newsletter is different from my usual letters. Mostly because this is a vulnerable one and I am NOT a fan of the feeling because HARD GIRL.

But once in a while, hard girl takes a back seat and sensitive baby takes the wheel. 🥺

Two days ago, I had an extremely long day. It rained throughout the day, my area was flooded and my emotions were a complete and utter mess. It didn’t help that my anxiety also started to skyrocket because I really quit my job to create content full-time, and I had not created any in a while. 

What was I doing with my life? I had to be consistent or my relevance would fly out the window. Isn’t that what they say on Obasanjo’s internet?

So I got my butt out of bed, fired up my laptop and started to put together a piece of content that had been on my mind for a while. I worked for a few hours, finished and scheduled it. The next day, it was out on social media and I felt a tiny sense of accomplishment. 

Now, as much as I love laughing at the hilarious comments I get, they also trigger my anxiety because I am never sure of how my audience will react to what I put out. However that day, I decided to check them and the first one was “You fell off”.

Basically, this means ‘We don’t find your content relevant anymore. Go back to your village, this sh*t is getting embarrassing!’

HAY GOD! Why me?

I dropped my phone instantly, and my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. It didn’t help that I was having such a rough week. The worst week I’ve had in months. And now this? Life had my time this week and I was collecting left and right. 

To be clear, comments like these aren’t new to me. Having an audience means you’re a target and you’ll be dragged, whether you like it or not. Can’t really blame them - Nigeria is hard and people are angry, so if you dare show a semblance of enjoying your life, they are going to come down on you, hard.

However, this one got to me because I believed it. It was true.

I wasn't growing at the rate I wanted. I had quit my job for something that didn’t seem to be working anymore and honestly, I found it hard to be consistent because creativity is a tricky thing especially when you’re going through a lot and I was going THROUGH IT.

I curled into a ball and stayed there until hunger came to greet me. My stomach was like “Aunty, if you like stay there and be thinking about your life, me I sha want to eat. If you want to die, die but don’t drag me into this.”

I got up, turned on my phone and responded to the person with ‘Wo, I’m hungry o’ and I went to eat. The person behind the page must have been like ‘what are we saying, what is this one saying?’

LMAOOO. To be honest, I didn't know what I was saying either. I was just hungry and I said it.

After a few hours, I thought about the comment and why it seemed to affect me so much and I arrived at this answer.

I love what I do. I REALLY love what I do. I love being able to escape reality and build my own. And because I love it so much, I expect that people will love it too.

And that was the problem. The world doesn’t exactly work that way. People will think you have ‘fallen off’ or that you need to stop doing that thing you love because it doesn’t work for them. But why should you? To please them? Then what? What then do you achieve? What do they achieve? What’s the ultimate prize for stopping?

I am not saying I completely got over the comment. I don’t think I did. For all I know, he may be right. But I choose to dictate how it affects me. Am I really going to abandon something that makes me happy because of someone I don’t know? Or am I going to keep at it and get better?

I chose the latter.

But I haven’t written since then. I am purging myself of the negative thoughts before I get back to doing what I love.

I hope that you read this letter and double down doing what you love. Do it unabashedly, because like my good sis, Beyonce, said, ‘The best revenge is your paper’ . And how are you going to get the paper if you let people stop you?

Please go and eat and get back out there.

I love you. 🖤

Till next time,

Hauwa.

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