They Tore My Pant

My fornication pant.

I know you were expecting an episode of Esu. I know and it’s coming but I had to write this letter to you first. I want to rant.

You may know that Eid was a few days ago. And with Eid comes family, but there is always one foolish person that will bring themselves and their 18 children to your house to finish all your food.

And for us, that unfortunate family member is Mummy Rashidi.

Mummy Rashidi cannot hear that they’ve seen moon in Saudi like this, she will wear shoe and jalamia for all her battalion children and put them inside Tata bus.

So that’s how they came to our house. As soon as they entered like this, Sekinot first went to open our freezer to carry zobo. And I hid that zobo but her stupid elephant nose can smell anything.

She finished it. I was looking at that her stupid head. I didn’t talk.

Next, Jamiu came to meet me to say he wants to tamba (wash his bumbum). How did this idiot just arrive and is already shitting up and down? Do you have cholera?

Then, Wasiu went to carry apoti (stool) and stood on it to open the pot of jollof rice. I banged pot cover on that one’s hand. 

They didn’t teach you abi? Ode. That’s why your brother wants to full our soakaway with shit.

After they all settled down and I served them, I went to sleep. 10 minutes later, my daddy called me to come and cook more rice. 

Who will cook rice? Do they know how much rice is in the market?

Suliyah now pulled my skirt to say that she will eat fried rice.

Shen gbo werey. Go and tell your stupid daddy with the super sperm that you will eat fried rice. Ode.

I went to the kitchen and poured garri inside basia (bowl) and brought them to my room to eat it. They gathered round and started eating so I left and went to the mosque.

That's how Kehinde said she was not eating again and blew mucus inside the garri. All of them left the garri to swell and ran away. When I came back and saw it, I dragged all of them to the room. 

I told them to be eating it rush rush because una dey crase? You came to my house to waste garri? Your head must be paining you.

When they finished it, I chased their stupid ass out of my room.

That’s how today, I was looking for my red pant to wear to see my bobo that I had not seen since Ramadan started. I dipped my hand into my pant nylon and brought out pieces. Those stupid children had used scissors to cut my fornication pant ni sha.

Another Eid is coming. 

IF THEY DON’T CHOP SAND. CALL ME BASTARD!

I’m about to cut the stupid hijab Kehinde forgot in our parlour. They are mad.

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