To Do Hook Up Or Not To Do? 😩

Shit. I might have to sleep with men for money.

For the longest time, I judged people that trade sex for material things but now, as I trek from Maryland to Gbagada because I don’t have car, I see that I’ve been a fool. 

*crumbles to my knees on Oworonshoki express and weeps*

Growing up, my mother drummed the concept of virginity into my ears. On my first day of secondary sc, as she carefully straightened my oversized uniform, she pinched her nose and said, “Don’t let anybody touch you o, you hear me, Hauwa?”

I nodded because I had heard this speech over and over again. But she added something I had never heard before. 

“And if they say they won’t release in you, they are lying.”

Release what? Is anybody releasing anything? Is it not for two people to hide under the covers and shout ‘Ye!, Daddy Moruf o’, like they do in Yoruba movies? 

I didn’t get to ask her what they were releasing before she sent me off to school with my dad but from then on, anytime boys tried to touch me, I’d aggressively warn them not to release in me. 

As I grew older, I understood what she meant but I had already concluded that sex work was not for me.

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Until One Day!

When I realised it was because the opportunity never presented itself. 

Of course, poor old men had always approached me.

During my NYSC, one baba asked me to sleep with him for ogi. I served in a polytechnic in Kwara and one day, as I was going home, he walked up to tell me his wife made ogi in large quantities and he’d give me some if I let him sleep with me. Lmaoooo. If you see how I banged register on his head. Nonsense.

But last week, someone’s daddy opened briefcase of Dollars in front of me and I realised…

I might have to sleep with men for money.

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It all started when I visited my friend and as I was leaving, her father asked me if my car was outside. Car ke? In this economy? Who will buy it? I told him I’d be taking a bus and he laughed. He said I ought to be driving at my age.

Even me too, I know. But where will I see money to be driving car? He gave me a few wads of dollars and I quickly ran to all those mallams to change. HAY!

I FIRST BOUGHT BURGER KING

The next day, this man’s text entered. Where he got my number from, I don’t know. But I’m not a child and our conversation has mostly been about how he will buy me a car if I off my pant for him.

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Now guys, this is the opportunity. 

I trekked from Maryland to Gbagada in February because I didn’t have cash but you’re telling me that one night with this man and I’ll have my car? Shouting at Danfo drivers and threatening LASTMA people that if they don’t get out of my way, I will break their leg?

But then again, what if he uses me for money ritual because my star is bright? What if he slaps me during seggs? And I start crying, naked on the bed? Who will I report to? Police? My mum? And she won’t slap the living day light out of me?

Another thing I had not considered is maintenance.

Obviously, I’m not going to sleep with a man and collect Toyota Corolla. It has to be a Benz or a Range. Now, suppose he gives me that. I have to maintain it right? And maintaining a Range is not cheap. So when my carburetor spoils and they ask me to bring 2 million, what am I going to do?

Will I be going to find more rich men?

What if I get used to the soft life? And I can’t go back to living a regular life? What do I do then? Clearly I can’t go back to dating Rabiu from Accounting. 

So many questions. *cries in HD*

Does this mean I have to work for my own money? *cries harder in HD*

Anyway, if you see me dancing KULOSA inside Range Rover, you already know what I did for it.

And nobody should send my story to Gistlova because I am the first one to admit it. You hear?

Better.

Who can borrow me 2k here. I’ve not eaten since morning. 🤲🏾