On Jealousy And Envy 😮‍💨

“For you to be jealous, you must be a witch.”

“For you to be jealous, you must be a witch.”

Honestly, I can’t tell you how many times I have read that statement on this our big internet and today is the day we talk about it.

This was supposed to be a fun letter and I had actually fired up my laptop with the intention to create the usual funny post. However, I changed my mind when I saw the myriad of reactions to something I shared around jealousy. In this post, I admitted to being extremely jealous of someone I knew.

It happened years ago. I was 22, clueless about what I wanted to do and had just started to figure out my life. But then, there was a colleague who simply had everything figured out. She was genuinely working hard, thriving and rightly showing off the amazing things happening in her life but to me, it seemed unfair. I thought of it as such a cruel joke because everything she had were the very things I had prayed for. It seemed like they were simply handed over to someone else and God just let me watch.

It was even in the smallest of things. A vivid example was how I always wanted to work with a certain brand but I couldn’t get through to them. One morning, I woke up to a post from this colleague that they were now in collaboration with the same brand.

Is this playing? What kind of playing is this?

OMO.

My jealousy raised to power 100. My head wanted to blow. At that point, I knew I had to do something before I let it take over my entire being. I sat with myself and asked the important questions.

1. Why was I so jealous. The answer was straight forward. I wanted what they had.

2. What was I doing to get it? I was actually working towards my goals too but I wasn’t focusing all of my energy on achieving the things I wanted. I was spending most of my time simply watching.

3. Am I a witch? I couldn’t tell. I’ve eaten so many times in my dream but the food was never sweet and I just ate it so hunger will not kill me for dream.

But let’s get back on track.

Now, I don’t know much about emotional psychology but I do know that being jealous or envious of what someone has doesn’t automatically make you a bad person. As long as you’re not actively wishing evil upon the person.

It’s nearly impossible not to feel a twinge of jealousy in this overtly exposed  world. You go on Linkedin to see that someone just got a new fancy job. You cross over to Facebook and someone is celebrating the birth of their first child. You leave there for Instagram and your friends are getting engaged in the most flamboyant way possible. You open Whatsapp and one person (that just managed to buy one car) has taken it upon themselves to open a reunion group so they can drive there.

(Juwon, you’re mad, by the way. If I leave that group one more time and you add me back. I will send boys to collect that stupid Volvo from your hand)

But anyway, after witnessing all of this, naturally, you get a little sad or jealous and you’re immediately labelled a witch? 

I need you to know that’s untrue.

It’s okay to let yourself be jealous but you also have to recognise the feeling for what it is. Remind yourself that you don’t wish them any ill luck and channel that feeling into creating the life that you want.

People say even God is a jealous God so who are you to not be jealous? Are you bigger than God

Someone once told me that if you wouldn’t completely trade your life with that of the person you’re jealous of, then you have no reason to be jealous.

He explained that he once found himself dealing with an immense amount of jealousy because a friend had got a PR visa but that same friend recently lost a loved one. So he asked himself if he’d be willing to trade places just for a PR visa.

The answer was obvious.

I know things may be really hard right now and it may seem like everything you want is just being handed over to someone else but it is possible that you may not even be ready for that thing you desperately crave.

Remember the brand I always wanted to work with? I got the opportunity to do so in 2022 and after a month, I quit because I hated it.

So listen, while you’re working towards your goals, also know that you are exactly where you need to be right now and things will get better so, hang in there. I’m rooting for you. 🫂

Due to the responses and reactions I received from the initial post I shared, I’ve decided to put together a community of people who are open to expressing their vulnerabilities.

I’ll be organising a zoom call that’s open to people who want to share their experience/stories on a certain subject. This hangout will be virtual and completely anonymous. It’s simply a safe space for us to talk about any/everything without judgement. If you’d be interested, comment below.

And if you’ve experienced any sort of jealousy, feel free to tell me more about it in the comments. Looking forward to reading all of it.

Love,

Hauwa.