Rest But Do Not Quit

Today, my phone rang. It was a friend but when I accepted the call with the usual, “Hey babe”, she stayed silent.

Today, my phone rang. It was a friend but when I accepted the call with the usual, “Hey babe”, she stayed silent.

I stayed silent too.

After a few seconds, I heard sniffles and a sound that seemed like she was holding back tears. I continued to stay silent and a few more seconds after, she broke down.

I am terrible at consoling people. I don’t know how to do it so, in many cases, I stay silent. On that call, I let her cry. In the middle of her hiccups, she said, in the tiniest voice, “Hauwa, I’m tired. I’m really tired.”

“I know”, I replied.

I was lying. I didn’t know. If anything, I was confused.

The entire call was surprising to me because this friend (let’s call her Amanda) is the most extroverted person I know. Amanda is the friend you invite out when you’re not feeling your best and come back feeling like you can take on the world. Amanda will show up at a dull gathering and in minutes, everybody is laughing at her silly stories. Her voice is the loudest at events. She’d been called boisterous too many times than I can count. I’d literally never seen her sad. Sure, I’d seen her disappointed but it was usually only for a few minutes before she’d get back to her usual bubbly self.

So, the call was perplexing. 

We managed to end the call and I’ll try to tell you what I said to her because I think it might resonate with a few people.

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You can rest.

For as long as you like. But you need to know you can’t ever throw in the towel. Not as long as you have breath. 

And I know it’s pretty easy to say that from where I stand. I could never understand the magnitude of what you’re dealing with. I could never understand how difficult it is to get out of bed each morning. To call your friends for support. To show up for the people you love because you can’t even show up for yourself.

I might not understand.

But what I can tell you is to slow down and rest. Take as much time as you need. Wallow in that place for as long as you need to. But do not forget that it is only for some time before you have to get up and take on life again.

You’re not allowed to quit. I’m sorry but you just aren’t.

It may be difficult to see it now but the best parts of your life have not even happened yet. There’s so much laughter you’ve not let out. So much love you haven’t given and received. Food you haven’t tasted. Wine you haven’t drunk. Places you’ve not yet seen. Vacations you’ve not taken. Arms you’ve not held. Pictures you’ve not taken. Hugs you’ve not received. And joy you’ve not even begun to imagine.

So I’ll tell you what I told Amanda.

You have a beautiful life still yet to lead. Cry, if you need to. And when you’re done, let’s continue.

Because we move.

And I love you.