Ok. So I can decide to feel like an odd ball here in the midst of all of you because I am much older. So let's say I represent your parents. I guess my own daughter and son could easily be any of you. I am reading all the comments and I am hearing kamara and dumebi in my head speaking. But you know it just might not be what you think. Generations are different and we pass on fears and expectations from one generation to another. Sometimes all the expressions get lost in communication. Before, our culture would put a lot of pressures on parents for whichever way their children pan out, but things are bit different now. People have voices and with the voice comes the responsibility of consequences. I am no longer afraid of being responsible for my children's actions. I just pray that God guides them to make the correct choices. I don't want to live my life through them. I want to live mine and let them live theirs. So sometimes it's not us praying Bloody Mary on you, it's us being afraid of the castigations from the society, the insults and the side looks and the confrontations and the judgements of some others who have more skeletons in their cupboards than your minds can imagine. Do you even see the pride on our faces and do you hear the full chest ownership in our voices when we see the milestones you have covered? Truth is that I will chose you again and again because God wasn't playing around when he sent you to me. That's me talking to my own children now. ✌️
Hauwa, I look forward to your newsletter always and you can only imagine the thrill I get when the notification pops up on my phone...Despite being much younger than you are and not having really strict parents, I relate to this a lot probably because of society and I want to say thank you for this and henceforth I'd leave the idea of happiness I was taught and find what truly makes me happy.
It's not what the person chooses. I think is about having the capacity to choose. Welcome back Hauwa. People evolve so does their concept of happiness and what could lead to that.
I almost e-mailed you considering how sad your last newsletter was. I thought you were still grieving but then I stumbled on your post on Instagram and felt relieved, so I hesitated as I knew you'd soon write to us. Loads of love❤
I always anticipate for your letter always to the extent of me asking for it on x app thanks for coming back to us
This particular letter remind me of my childhood, been raised by a single parent and trying to make sure I do all she instructed me to do, I don't even have a choice of myself, not that she forces me to do any but I believe I'm doing the best thing, but lately I chose my life I make decisions and I'll tell you all you have stated here resonate with me.
Everybody can relate. I can relate, especially at this phase of my life. I'm not to keen on having children, if children comes, fine, if they don't, we'll move on with our lives. But, a 4 years relationship just went down the drain bcus we're not medically compatible to have children. I'm a mess. I don't even know if I've ever been truly happy. I think I've built my whole life around this person that my happiness revolves around him. I was so scared to get pregnant outside marriage, now, I keep blaming myself for not getting pregnant. Maybe, me being pregnant would have changed his mind. 😥
Lemme say one outrageous thing.... getting pregnant.... over time, everyone including you would love the child to nothingness and that same child becomes the core of everyone's life. HIV, manage it well and it won't kill you. So none of them are really bad choices🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's like as soon as a girl child is born into an African home, her worth and destiny is tied to her virginity and partner. I can't count how many times my mother has told me "Your future husband this. Your future husband that. What if your future husband does not this?"
And in my mind, I'd be like, "I'm not even sure I want to get married in the first place." But I've never told her that lol.
I do hope this letter reaches millions of children from African homes who have forgotten how to be happy because of the kind of training they underwent at home.
The part where you ended the paragraph with *like a robot*. I'm a Muslim too, although I'm still a young adult. I understood and related to that paragraph.
I’ve dealt with something similar from a different perspective- even after fully divorcing myself from Baptist religion and culture, I’m still unraveling the deeply ingrained artifacts of it in my mind which tell me to want certain things I don’t really want
Ok. So I can decide to feel like an odd ball here in the midst of all of you because I am much older. So let's say I represent your parents. I guess my own daughter and son could easily be any of you. I am reading all the comments and I am hearing kamara and dumebi in my head speaking. But you know it just might not be what you think. Generations are different and we pass on fears and expectations from one generation to another. Sometimes all the expressions get lost in communication. Before, our culture would put a lot of pressures on parents for whichever way their children pan out, but things are bit different now. People have voices and with the voice comes the responsibility of consequences. I am no longer afraid of being responsible for my children's actions. I just pray that God guides them to make the correct choices. I don't want to live my life through them. I want to live mine and let them live theirs. So sometimes it's not us praying Bloody Mary on you, it's us being afraid of the castigations from the society, the insults and the side looks and the confrontations and the judgements of some others who have more skeletons in their cupboards than your minds can imagine. Do you even see the pride on our faces and do you hear the full chest ownership in our voices when we see the milestones you have covered? Truth is that I will chose you again and again because God wasn't playing around when he sent you to me. That's me talking to my own children now. ✌️
This make sense. I once read that nobody is under as much peer pressure as our parents. All the think about is "what will people say".
Hmmmm.. Nice 👍
Well said 👏👏
Hauwa, I look forward to your newsletter always and you can only imagine the thrill I get when the notification pops up on my phone...Despite being much younger than you are and not having really strict parents, I relate to this a lot probably because of society and I want to say thank you for this and henceforth I'd leave the idea of happiness I was taught and find what truly makes me happy.
Choosing your own standard of contentment rather than society's standard is very hard. Hope I'll get there one day🥺🥺
It's not what the person chooses. I think is about having the capacity to choose. Welcome back Hauwa. People evolve so does their concept of happiness and what could lead to that.
Oh how I missed your newsletters Hauwa
I almost e-mailed you considering how sad your last newsletter was. I thought you were still grieving but then I stumbled on your post on Instagram and felt relieved, so I hesitated as I knew you'd soon write to us. Loads of love❤
I always anticipate for your letter always to the extent of me asking for it on x app thanks for coming back to us
This particular letter remind me of my childhood, been raised by a single parent and trying to make sure I do all she instructed me to do, I don't even have a choice of myself, not that she forces me to do any but I believe I'm doing the best thing, but lately I chose my life I make decisions and I'll tell you all you have stated here resonate with me.
Still expecting more letters from you ♥️
Everybody can relate. I can relate, especially at this phase of my life. I'm not to keen on having children, if children comes, fine, if they don't, we'll move on with our lives. But, a 4 years relationship just went down the drain bcus we're not medically compatible to have children. I'm a mess. I don't even know if I've ever been truly happy. I think I've built my whole life around this person that my happiness revolves around him. I was so scared to get pregnant outside marriage, now, I keep blaming myself for not getting pregnant. Maybe, me being pregnant would have changed his mind. 😥
I was thinking about how I haven't read from you yesterday. About how you're so different in your letters than in your videos.
I know this doesn't mean we are close😅 but I feel closer to you with each letter you send.
You were really sad on Instagram one time, I wanted to send a DM but couldn't. And I am glad you feel better. Please take care Hauwa
This is mind stretching.
I can relate to not wanting my children to experience what I did.
I finally decided to have kids after I healed and could see/create a better life for them.
Love reading your mails, Hauwa.
Reminds me that I'm human afterall.
Honestly I’d choose HIV also cos I can’t imagine getting pregnant at this age 🙂
Lemme say one outrageous thing.... getting pregnant.... over time, everyone including you would love the child to nothingness and that same child becomes the core of everyone's life. HIV, manage it well and it won't kill you. So none of them are really bad choices🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂 power of choice 😊
It's like as soon as a girl child is born into an African home, her worth and destiny is tied to her virginity and partner. I can't count how many times my mother has told me "Your future husband this. Your future husband that. What if your future husband does not this?"
And in my mind, I'd be like, "I'm not even sure I want to get married in the first place." But I've never told her that lol.
I do hope this letter reaches millions of children from African homes who have forgotten how to be happy because of the kind of training they underwent at home.
Thanks for this beautiful letter, Hauwa.
Eagerly waiting for the next one.
The part where you ended the paragraph with *like a robot*. I'm a Muslim too, although I'm still a young adult. I understood and related to that paragraph.
I'm afraid I relate to these fears.
Interesting read
I’ve dealt with something similar from a different perspective- even after fully divorcing myself from Baptist religion and culture, I’m still unraveling the deeply ingrained artifacts of it in my mind which tell me to want certain things I don’t really want
Wow. I choose to be happy then!
How can person choose HIV over pregnancy 😅