You’re Ugly… So What?

you’re not good enough… and then?

It was one of those days, unremarkable and mundane. That hot afternoon your brain files under ‘days of no consequence’. The day is simply happening because that’s what days do, fill your life with moments. My plan was just to work, eat and sleep.

credit: PMWatercolor

But then my friend, Rali, came visiting. 

I don’t quite know how to describe Rali but one thing that stands out about her is the constantly lost look in her eyes. Rali is always lost in thoughts she can’t articulate and when she does try, they come off as rude.

She was laying on my bed, eating peanuts and watching a movie when I gasped. I just saw the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen in my life. I turned my phone to Rali. She briefly raised her head from the laptop and nodded.

She agreed. And went right back to the movie.

Then my insecurity reared its own head. I had to deal with a flawed idea of beauty since I was a teenager and it went on through my 20’s. It stemmed from being dark-skinned and growing up in an era where bleaching was the order of the day. So being ‘really dark’ meant I was constantly bullied by children and adults alike.

“I wish I looked like that, you know? More like the conventional standard of beauty”, I sighed, still looking at my phone.

“How?” Rali squinted.

Small nose, structured face, perfect teeth? I don’t think I fit the conventional standard of beauty.

So what?

I was taken aback. Because the answer I would have given a friend struggling with how she looked would’ve been more along the lines of, “but you’re beautiful too”

But not Rali. She asked “so what” and waited for my response.

I’m confused.

So what you don’t look like that? What does it change?

Well for one, I would have a lot of pretty privilege…, I stammered.

No but in the grand scheme of things, what does it change for YOU? What does that do in the long run?

I thought about it. Nothing really.

Because being beautiful does not equate to having a beautiful life. And the gag is, you are beautiful but you can’t see it because you’re so preoccupied by how you should look instead of how you do look. 

So here’s for you (reading this and) dealing with body dysmorphia.

Maybe it’s your arms that you can’t seem to hide well in photos. Or your lips that just seem too weird. Or the shape of your legs, your height, your nose, or maybe it’s your forehead (but I honestly don’t know why you’d be insecure about that one because Rihanna has made it very cool)

I need you to sit with it and think for a moment. SO WHAT?

What is going to happen? What is having that insecurity going to do for you? Thinking you have a large nose will not stop the love of your life from firmly believing you’re the most gorgeous person in the room.

Obsessing over the size of your arms will not change your friends’ love for you.

Hating your round face will not reduce the price of petrol, it’ll just give you a bad day and you’ll still have to buy expensive fuel. 

And think about it, have you seen an old person look back at pictures of their younger self, “Wow. I was ugly because my nose was big”?

credit: iStock

No. In fact, what they say is I wish I had more confidence because LOOK AT THE MATERIAL!

So why don’t you love yourself completely?

Ehn your stomach is big. Ansofokwat? You have elephant ears. And then? Have you seen your bumbum? 

Stop worrying about the wrong things in life and enjoy yourself to the fullest because life is fleeting.

And the next time someone points out a flaw in you, I need you to say SO WHAT?

credit: Creative Fabrica.

Till next time superstars,

Hauwa.

Oh! Before I forget, I recently got Spotify Premium and nobody will rest. So as a part of my newsletter, I’ll start adding links to new songs I’m obsessing over.

This week’s obsession is Sauti Sol’s Intro. It’s just a little over a minute and the lyrics are easy. Listen and sing along with all the breath in your lungs!

And do what the song says!