Hi Hauwa! I don’t think you were stupid, you were innocent and that’s not on you but, the bastard that almost took advantage of you. I was in SSS 2 when my “CIVIC EDUCATION” teacher made sexual advances towards me. I reported him to my mum who in turn informed the school and nothing was done to punish him. It was the talk of the school, in fact till I graduated. He was not sacked until I exposed him with evidence for inviting a 14 year old girl to his house for sex on Facebook. Still, he was not arrested or reprimanded, he was only laid off. I remember female teachers standing in front of the assembly and saying that it was our fault that he made such advances towards us, because we were overly friendly with him. That event still makes me scared about having children in such a society Frfr.
Long story short, Mr. Charles (not his real name) was laid off from his previous school for the same reason but he did worse there and now he works at another school very close to my father’s bakery. Now, I see him occasionally in my street anytime I come home from school(university) and yes, every time I see him I used to shout “Ashewo!” Or “Paedophile” because that’s what he is! I am so done blaming myself for someone else’s actions and you should be too. It’s not your fault that the world is not the rainbow colors you grew up to see it as. 🫶
Omoooo. This is wild. I think it's something we need to look into. Not necessarily the government, we. Because why is a known sexual predator and paedophile walking the streets?
I am glad you are no longer blaming yourself because it's not your fault that he decided to be the way he is. Those female teachers tho. I have a genuine question, although I have a few thoughts, why is it that women fight against the victims of rape? What's up with that?
Honestly, on several occasions I’ve raised the idea to my classmates to bring him to book but, the responses I keep getting from them are nothing to write home about. “Nadiah, you are doing too much” “let the man rest” “what if he has changed?” “You like high service” bla bla 🙂 I don’t know why nobody is looking at the fact that he keeps repeating it and getting bolder because he knows that he will go scot free. So, I’m patiently waiting till I get called to bar and hoping that the statute of limitation does not expire before then.
It's something I don't understand too, some months ago, I was sexually harassed by a guy in my department. I know I shouldn't have visited him, when he started making advances that's when I should have said no, but I let it get too far before I said no and so I wasn't listened to. Up till now, I sometimes wonder if it was my fault and how I could have easily avoided it. I sometimes wonder if it didn't just happen because I wanted it? I mean if I had fought harder, it didn't matter that the door was locked and he held my hands and did what he wanted. I still wonder. After the incident I told a friend of mine and a roommate. The guy got me the morning after pill and told we didn't actually have sex and that I didn't even loose my virginity. 'We just had fun'. After a few days when I finally could, I broke down and told an older friend that's like a sister. She asked me to go to the hospital. See, I always thought I was brave and all at that point I just knew I wasn't. I eventually went a few hours before it'd have been late for me to get PEP ( post exposure prophylaxis). In the first hospital a general hospital I spoke to a male doctor abd he was so helpful. He told me that they didn't have it at that particular hospital and told me the hospital I could get it at after calling to ask if it was possible. He directed me to go to Accudents and Emergency since I was almost out of time and so I rushed to the hospital. I got to that hospital and went to the section I was directed to. I talked to the woman at the counter cause she refused to let me speak to a doctor if I didn't tell her exactly what happened. And so I did. I had already gotten that far and I was almost out of time. After I did, and she kept repeating my words loudly she called the doctor who was another female she also asked me to repeat what I said not in her office but there at the counter. I tried to be brave right? I narrated the story again abd that's when another female doctor came. Together they kept asking me why I didn't come earlier abd that was I really certain that I didn't give my consent. They said that it seemed like I let the guy and even gave him my consent. All this happened at the counter . Then they asked me why I took the morning after pill and that maybe I felt like I was smart and I could handle it all. At that point I told them to excuse me, met the friend I mentioned earlier where she was picking up the card they had requested I get and told her I wanted to leave. She understood and just as we were leaving the male doctor I had met at the other hospital called me and told me he had spoken to a doctor at the hospital in charge of giving out PEP and also the centre for adult care. I met the person he directed me to Another man who gave me the drugs I needed and made sure I got tested for HIV. Also, told me about a counselling session. The female doctors I had to meet that day were only concerned about arresting the guy. The weren't concerned about my health at all. Or maybe they were and I just didn't know and it's so sad how I could have walked away that day without getting the help I needed if I had to face just them alone.
It annoys the hell out me when people try to blame a victim of rape for being the reason for their predicament.
Yes people wear short things, body revealing stuffs that can drive men to the reveries of vices but what about a woman that was raped in South Africa while still wearing jilbab and niqab (a flowy garment that covers from head to toe)?
One thing I know for sure is that rapists are deranged bastards that don't need a reason to act or does a two-year old girl have boobs to lure them in? It's crazy yeah 😢😢.
And sorry for ur experience. I was almost raped at 6 in my own father's living room. Thank God for my mum's timely intervention.
As a writer, I think I should write about it so that other parents can learn from it too.
Accommodating male cousins when u have female children is like sending rats into the lion's den.
I don’t think you were stupid either. I don’t think I was stupid either, but I sure as hell have been raped, and more than once, sadly. When the adults in our life, don’t protect us we are prey to the child molesters. My best childhood friend forced me to tell my mother about my 70+ year old neighbor who sexually abused me when I was 14. Unfortunately, my mother decided she couldn’t tell my dad because he’d kill our neighbor, but then she sadly never asked me about it again. Sexual abuse escalated over the years because I wrongly thought that men could do what they wanted, and I had no power over them. It destroyed more than 50 years of my life, but I’m happy to say that I’m finally recovering what’s left.
Like how did they come up with that idea. It wasn't enough that she was raped, very possibly a virgin, but they used an iron rod, too. This just makes me furious, they all deserve a worse punishment than swift death.
The stuff that goes on in the hearts of humans is sickening.
Personally, I don't think you were stupid. You simply didn't understand what you were getting into. Honestly this story touched me. I am sorry you had to experience things like this and I hope this experience educates sheltered kids like and help them know there's a lot of crazies and evil people as well as good people out there
I hope you spoke to someone about your experiences and I hope you are better
Therapy and Counseling can heal trauma. Action towards the person will bring justice and prevent him from hurting anyone else but might not bring healing. It might bring closure which might be the start of the healing journey.
When you open @hauwa newsletter to get an update on her introduction with the gate man, but read this.......
So many layers to the story, Its sad to say but I hope all our future kids have an Adithya looking out for them. He probably liked you but was too immature to say, and instead chose racist jokes as an outlet.
That been said, I wonder why we cannot live in a world where Adithya is not necessary and evil people just stay in their lane.
Thanks for sharing, and hope the story helps even one person to take extra care or be an Adithya when the time comes.
My 7 year old once found a scar I had and I explained that I wish I listened to my parents at the time, so I would not have got the scar, He said: "It's okay dad, you are who you are because of all the good and bad that has happened to you, so maybe it had to happen"....this is not a direct quote but a rough summary of what he said, tbh he just wanted to ignore the listen to your parents lesson I was trying to pass along lol.
I wish it never happened to you, but the @hauwa that we all know and love is a combination of all her experiences, and for that, we are grateful to have you.
P.S pardon my punctuations or bad spelling as I am not going to review before I post this.
I’m so sorry you went through this Hauwa and no, you weren’t stupid. To think that almost every girl has been sexually abused at one time in their lives is really heartbreaking.
I was almost raped by my Alfa at 10. It was one random day after madrassah had finished and he told me to take his Quran inside the apartment the mosque gave him for free. He came in after me and proceeded to lock the door. I was a very inquisitive child who read everything she could lay her hands on so I kind of guessed what was about to happen. Immediately he tried to push me onto the bed, I slipped out of his grasp, unlocked the door and ran out. I never went back there until he left and another Alfa replaced him. I never told my mum about it cos deep down I knew she wouldn’t believe me. Every afternoon, I leave our shop for madrassah and then go to a friends house to play. Then I’ll head back to the shop at the time I knew everyone was heading back.
I also have to deal with the memory of an old man who carried me in the bus because my mum had me and my younger brother with her and he offered to help her with me. Throughout the bus ride, at every pothole, the man would rub his finger on my clit. I can’t remember what age I was when this happened but it messed me up a bit to the point where I get PTSD when I see a man carrying a girl child in a bus.
As an adult, I’ve also had to deal with a fair share of erratic men. It’s just a crazy world.
I am a man, age 71, but when I was 22, I was almost raped and murdered by a deranged man a few years older than me. I won’t share the details but I understand what was going through your head. I was a lot closer to the event happening of course. He chased me down a block and I was able to get away. But I will always remember his eyes: black as night, shining black eyes.
Thank you so much for telling. Not stupid as someone else has already said. Naive as are many over protected girls of Muslim and other faith based families. We continually do our girls a disservice in this community, mis understanding how faith can be used to protect as well as shelter. It simply isnt enough to know there are crazies and evil people out here. Let someone else deal with them. What girls need is to learn how to fight: all the elements of the art of war such as how to spot a predator; how to weaponize the body and use weapons if one must; how to use new technology to alert loyal friends to our predicaments and so on. Until mothers and fathers tell the truth about the battle of the sexes and arm girls with HEALTH information which includes sex, sexuality and reproduction we are frogs being fattened for snakes. How is it that girls and women are blamed for the reprobate minds of some men and their violent acts? The whole darn world is the wrong place at the wrong time. Ive been solicited for sex walking to the Mosque in full hijab. Please stop penalizing our femininity!
First we are blamed then we are punished when the evildoers succeed in vanquishing us, the innocent. NO no and no. Challenege them: Show me the Sura that instructs that!
You were not stupid and I'm glad you escaped. There are many rape cases that go unreported. I didn't want to report mine because I have seen the way victims are treated. People will start saying things like " why did you go there?" "what were you wearing?" Mind you, I wear the hijab and don't expose myself and this still happened to me. I tell people that rape is not tied to how a woman dresses and where she went to. These assaulters often build trust in you and you just fall victim. My own assaulter was a very religious person o. May God just protect all the ladies out there. When you report, the shame alone, people start marking your face and saying "see the girl they raped" start telling your story in different versions, versions that are mostly untrue and exaggerated. It is well.
Here, wearing my chromatic lenses reading this newsletter finding out the struggle pain young girls go through the trauma this men put them through, eyes balling out through the comment section. I pray God for healing of hearts and direction to overcome the pain amen
You were being a child doing childish things. It was common of your age to explore 'new things', conform to what your peers were doing, and act like civilized by doing what your age mates were doing. But then you got lucky and am happy that it happened that way. You see, our parents cage us, lock us from outside world yet that's where we would spend the rest of our entire lives. The only thing that parents can do is to guide us, not military us. I enjoyed the story
It's so sad that this is the best that can be done about experiences like this. This entire comment section just shows how a lot of people have been victims or close to victims and have never gotten justice. And the sickest part is the constant victim blaming. "What could you have done to protect yourself " or "how you could have been braver" and the silliest one is "you could have avoided the situation ". Truth is no matter how "brave and cautious " you think you have been or can be, it just takes one second to violate an entire human existence.
Why do we cover up for the criminal? Why don't we hold men accountable? And why is it okay that even in circles of men, they make backhanded and nasty sexual jokes about women and no one call them out and it's passed as though they are talking about a sport. That's what gang rape is. A bunch of men who came together to creatively bond over harassing a human being, not an object.
It starts as a joke but as we have all come to see, if you can make a joke about it, you certainly can do it. We need to raise better men and good men out there, you have a responsibility to shame the pigs amongst you. Disgusting p for real.
Hi Hauwa! I don’t think you were stupid, you were innocent and that’s not on you but, the bastard that almost took advantage of you. I was in SSS 2 when my “CIVIC EDUCATION” teacher made sexual advances towards me. I reported him to my mum who in turn informed the school and nothing was done to punish him. It was the talk of the school, in fact till I graduated. He was not sacked until I exposed him with evidence for inviting a 14 year old girl to his house for sex on Facebook. Still, he was not arrested or reprimanded, he was only laid off. I remember female teachers standing in front of the assembly and saying that it was our fault that he made such advances towards us, because we were overly friendly with him. That event still makes me scared about having children in such a society Frfr.
Long story short, Mr. Charles (not his real name) was laid off from his previous school for the same reason but he did worse there and now he works at another school very close to my father’s bakery. Now, I see him occasionally in my street anytime I come home from school(university) and yes, every time I see him I used to shout “Ashewo!” Or “Paedophile” because that’s what he is! I am so done blaming myself for someone else’s actions and you should be too. It’s not your fault that the world is not the rainbow colors you grew up to see it as. 🫶
Omoooo. This is wild. I think it's something we need to look into. Not necessarily the government, we. Because why is a known sexual predator and paedophile walking the streets?
I am glad you are no longer blaming yourself because it's not your fault that he decided to be the way he is. Those female teachers tho. I have a genuine question, although I have a few thoughts, why is it that women fight against the victims of rape? What's up with that?
Honestly, on several occasions I’ve raised the idea to my classmates to bring him to book but, the responses I keep getting from them are nothing to write home about. “Nadiah, you are doing too much” “let the man rest” “what if he has changed?” “You like high service” bla bla 🙂 I don’t know why nobody is looking at the fact that he keeps repeating it and getting bolder because he knows that he will go scot free. So, I’m patiently waiting till I get called to bar and hoping that the statute of limitation does not expire before then.
It's crazy because he deserved to be punished for what he is doing. I hope it doesn't expire too. Someone needs to book him
It's something I don't understand too, some months ago, I was sexually harassed by a guy in my department. I know I shouldn't have visited him, when he started making advances that's when I should have said no, but I let it get too far before I said no and so I wasn't listened to. Up till now, I sometimes wonder if it was my fault and how I could have easily avoided it. I sometimes wonder if it didn't just happen because I wanted it? I mean if I had fought harder, it didn't matter that the door was locked and he held my hands and did what he wanted. I still wonder. After the incident I told a friend of mine and a roommate. The guy got me the morning after pill and told we didn't actually have sex and that I didn't even loose my virginity. 'We just had fun'. After a few days when I finally could, I broke down and told an older friend that's like a sister. She asked me to go to the hospital. See, I always thought I was brave and all at that point I just knew I wasn't. I eventually went a few hours before it'd have been late for me to get PEP ( post exposure prophylaxis). In the first hospital a general hospital I spoke to a male doctor abd he was so helpful. He told me that they didn't have it at that particular hospital and told me the hospital I could get it at after calling to ask if it was possible. He directed me to go to Accudents and Emergency since I was almost out of time and so I rushed to the hospital. I got to that hospital and went to the section I was directed to. I talked to the woman at the counter cause she refused to let me speak to a doctor if I didn't tell her exactly what happened. And so I did. I had already gotten that far and I was almost out of time. After I did, and she kept repeating my words loudly she called the doctor who was another female she also asked me to repeat what I said not in her office but there at the counter. I tried to be brave right? I narrated the story again abd that's when another female doctor came. Together they kept asking me why I didn't come earlier abd that was I really certain that I didn't give my consent. They said that it seemed like I let the guy and even gave him my consent. All this happened at the counter . Then they asked me why I took the morning after pill and that maybe I felt like I was smart and I could handle it all. At that point I told them to excuse me, met the friend I mentioned earlier where she was picking up the card they had requested I get and told her I wanted to leave. She understood and just as we were leaving the male doctor I had met at the other hospital called me and told me he had spoken to a doctor at the hospital in charge of giving out PEP and also the centre for adult care. I met the person he directed me to Another man who gave me the drugs I needed and made sure I got tested for HIV. Also, told me about a counselling session. The female doctors I had to meet that day were only concerned about arresting the guy. The weren't concerned about my health at all. Or maybe they were and I just didn't know and it's so sad how I could have walked away that day without getting the help I needed if I had to face just them alone.
This did turn out way longer than I wanted it to.
This is so painful to hear. People underestimate the effects of sexual harassment on the victims
I always wonder sef. You expect them to be supportive but they are not. They usually dismiss the story and pretend to care for a little while
It annoys the hell out me when people try to blame a victim of rape for being the reason for their predicament.
Yes people wear short things, body revealing stuffs that can drive men to the reveries of vices but what about a woman that was raped in South Africa while still wearing jilbab and niqab (a flowy garment that covers from head to toe)?
One thing I know for sure is that rapists are deranged bastards that don't need a reason to act or does a two-year old girl have boobs to lure them in? It's crazy yeah 😢😢.
And sorry for ur experience. I was almost raped at 6 in my own father's living room. Thank God for my mum's timely intervention.
As a writer, I think I should write about it so that other parents can learn from it too.
Accommodating male cousins when u have female children is like sending rats into the lion's den.
What can anyone do to prevent it? Not even as babies are females safe. They get older, it gets worse.
I don’t think you were stupid either. I don’t think I was stupid either, but I sure as hell have been raped, and more than once, sadly. When the adults in our life, don’t protect us we are prey to the child molesters. My best childhood friend forced me to tell my mother about my 70+ year old neighbor who sexually abused me when I was 14. Unfortunately, my mother decided she couldn’t tell my dad because he’d kill our neighbor, but then she sadly never asked me about it again. Sexual abuse escalated over the years because I wrongly thought that men could do what they wanted, and I had no power over them. It destroyed more than 50 years of my life, but I’m happy to say that I’m finally recovering what’s left.
I'm glad you're recovering now. I hope it gets better ❤️
I'm so sorry that happened to you🫂🫂
I am glad that you are recovering now. Please continue to seek healing as much as you can.
And I hope that you know those men were wicked and no one have the right to cause you pain
“it was the same year I arrived in India that a girl was gang-raped and brutally raped with an iron rod until she died.”
this part broke everything inside of me for a minute. 😭😭😭😭
how cold can the heart of a person be bruhh??!!
Like how did they come up with that idea. It wasn't enough that she was raped, very possibly a virgin, but they used an iron rod, too. This just makes me furious, they all deserve a worse punishment than swift death.
The stuff that goes on in the hearts of humans is sickening.
swift death ke? they need to be hung upside down.
word!
Personally, I don't think you were stupid. You simply didn't understand what you were getting into. Honestly this story touched me. I am sorry you had to experience things like this and I hope this experience educates sheltered kids like and help them know there's a lot of crazies and evil people as well as good people out there
I hope you spoke to someone about your experiences and I hope you are better
Therapy and Counseling can heal trauma. Action towards the person will bring justice and prevent him from hurting anyone else but might not bring healing. It might bring closure which might be the start of the healing journey.
My pleasure Lawrence
When you open @hauwa newsletter to get an update on her introduction with the gate man, but read this.......
So many layers to the story, Its sad to say but I hope all our future kids have an Adithya looking out for them. He probably liked you but was too immature to say, and instead chose racist jokes as an outlet.
That been said, I wonder why we cannot live in a world where Adithya is not necessary and evil people just stay in their lane.
Thanks for sharing, and hope the story helps even one person to take extra care or be an Adithya when the time comes.
My 7 year old once found a scar I had and I explained that I wish I listened to my parents at the time, so I would not have got the scar, He said: "It's okay dad, you are who you are because of all the good and bad that has happened to you, so maybe it had to happen"....this is not a direct quote but a rough summary of what he said, tbh he just wanted to ignore the listen to your parents lesson I was trying to pass along lol.
I wish it never happened to you, but the @hauwa that we all know and love is a combination of all her experiences, and for that, we are grateful to have you.
P.S pardon my punctuations or bad spelling as I am not going to review before I post this.
Truth is rape is and has always been a pandemic people seem to not be talking about as much as it needs to be talked about.
Hope we get to where we can treat this like the disgusting act it is
I’m so sorry you went through this Hauwa and no, you weren’t stupid. To think that almost every girl has been sexually abused at one time in their lives is really heartbreaking.
I was almost raped by my Alfa at 10. It was one random day after madrassah had finished and he told me to take his Quran inside the apartment the mosque gave him for free. He came in after me and proceeded to lock the door. I was a very inquisitive child who read everything she could lay her hands on so I kind of guessed what was about to happen. Immediately he tried to push me onto the bed, I slipped out of his grasp, unlocked the door and ran out. I never went back there until he left and another Alfa replaced him. I never told my mum about it cos deep down I knew she wouldn’t believe me. Every afternoon, I leave our shop for madrassah and then go to a friends house to play. Then I’ll head back to the shop at the time I knew everyone was heading back.
I also have to deal with the memory of an old man who carried me in the bus because my mum had me and my younger brother with her and he offered to help her with me. Throughout the bus ride, at every pothole, the man would rub his finger on my clit. I can’t remember what age I was when this happened but it messed me up a bit to the point where I get PTSD when I see a man carrying a girl child in a bus.
As an adult, I’ve also had to deal with a fair share of erratic men. It’s just a crazy world.
I am a man, age 71, but when I was 22, I was almost raped and murdered by a deranged man a few years older than me. I won’t share the details but I understand what was going through your head. I was a lot closer to the event happening of course. He chased me down a block and I was able to get away. But I will always remember his eyes: black as night, shining black eyes.
Best, Ira
49 years ago and it still haunts me. But I’m alive. That’s what counts.
Thank you so much for telling. Not stupid as someone else has already said. Naive as are many over protected girls of Muslim and other faith based families. We continually do our girls a disservice in this community, mis understanding how faith can be used to protect as well as shelter. It simply isnt enough to know there are crazies and evil people out here. Let someone else deal with them. What girls need is to learn how to fight: all the elements of the art of war such as how to spot a predator; how to weaponize the body and use weapons if one must; how to use new technology to alert loyal friends to our predicaments and so on. Until mothers and fathers tell the truth about the battle of the sexes and arm girls with HEALTH information which includes sex, sexuality and reproduction we are frogs being fattened for snakes. How is it that girls and women are blamed for the reprobate minds of some men and their violent acts? The whole darn world is the wrong place at the wrong time. Ive been solicited for sex walking to the Mosque in full hijab. Please stop penalizing our femininity!
First we are blamed then we are punished when the evildoers succeed in vanquishing us, the innocent. NO no and no. Challenege them: Show me the Sura that instructs that!
You were not stupid and I'm glad you escaped. There are many rape cases that go unreported. I didn't want to report mine because I have seen the way victims are treated. People will start saying things like " why did you go there?" "what were you wearing?" Mind you, I wear the hijab and don't expose myself and this still happened to me. I tell people that rape is not tied to how a woman dresses and where she went to. These assaulters often build trust in you and you just fall victim. My own assaulter was a very religious person o. May God just protect all the ladies out there. When you report, the shame alone, people start marking your face and saying "see the girl they raped" start telling your story in different versions, versions that are mostly untrue and exaggerated. It is well.
Sameeee
Here, wearing my chromatic lenses reading this newsletter finding out the struggle pain young girls go through the trauma this men put them through, eyes balling out through the comment section. I pray God for healing of hearts and direction to overcome the pain amen
You were being a child doing childish things. It was common of your age to explore 'new things', conform to what your peers were doing, and act like civilized by doing what your age mates were doing. But then you got lucky and am happy that it happened that way. You see, our parents cage us, lock us from outside world yet that's where we would spend the rest of our entire lives. The only thing that parents can do is to guide us, not military us. I enjoyed the story
I'm so glad Adithya followed you 💓
I am glad you escaped both times Hauwa.
The statistics of women raped is too high. May this end with our generation
It's so sad that this is the best that can be done about experiences like this. This entire comment section just shows how a lot of people have been victims or close to victims and have never gotten justice. And the sickest part is the constant victim blaming. "What could you have done to protect yourself " or "how you could have been braver" and the silliest one is "you could have avoided the situation ". Truth is no matter how "brave and cautious " you think you have been or can be, it just takes one second to violate an entire human existence.
Why do we cover up for the criminal? Why don't we hold men accountable? And why is it okay that even in circles of men, they make backhanded and nasty sexual jokes about women and no one call them out and it's passed as though they are talking about a sport. That's what gang rape is. A bunch of men who came together to creatively bond over harassing a human being, not an object.
It starts as a joke but as we have all come to see, if you can make a joke about it, you certainly can do it. We need to raise better men and good men out there, you have a responsibility to shame the pigs amongst you. Disgusting p for real.
Men must face their primal natures. Stop excusing violence against women.