It's sad! And it's undeniable that this things happen. And if i am being honest, then this is probably phase 1, it could extend, same energy will be directed towards friends and family.
My advice, go out more. I know you do that already. But go to place where there are lots of children. Visit places that would make you relieve your inner child. That would help. If you can, play as much as possible with children. I can't explain it, but they know how to bring the best out of the worst. Also, don't try to force the healing process. Take your time and speak to people who have been able to overcome theirs.
Omooo. I can totally relate to this. I have felt this way before and it is always crazier when you love love. I think the truth might be that you are tired. Tired because of your experiences with dating and love.
Movies don't do justice about how relationships can be messy sometimes. Lol.
I will suggest to leave this state, is seeking healing and letting yourself be open to recieving romantic love little by little till you are where you want to be. It won't be easy but it won't be worth it. And there's also a type of healing that happens in a relationship. I wish you the best.
P.S therapy might be expensive but counselling is not so much. They are not so expensive counsellors here in Nigeria.
Trust me, it doesn’t get better and there’s really no use forcing yourself. I’ve been emotionally unavailable all my life. It’s cute with the talking stage and the little not-dates, but the moment things starts to get serious, it’s like my interest just switches off and everything starts to annoy me, because what do you mean you went to my favourite restaurant, to buy me my favourite food after five have knack, can’t you see I’m inside already 🙄
The one time I decided to push past it, let’s just say I gave somebody’s son something to talk about doing therapy 🙂(in my defence, it was 2020, and I thought we agreed we were just passing time), so I decided to stay where I’m at, because no one deserves a disinterested partner
There’s really not a lot of hope here, so don’t push yourself to do too much, just make the little efforts.
Honestly you just wrote about my life cause this is meeee....I think I'm even worse
My friends come around and we all talk about their relationships and they turn to me and suddenly I'm the center of discussion
Why do you keep chasing men?
Reply his messages?
Don't block him!
Give love a chance
I'm honestly exhausted cause I barely feel anything for anyone....I don't know if it's because I told myself I'm better off alone or I just make excuses telling myself Medical school comes first
I crave emotional connection so bad but at the slightest interaction with a guy
I ghost or run....I just can't do it
It's exhausting living like this and scary too cause one day I will watch all my friends prioritised their romantic relationships above me and God knows I don't want to be alone
Hi! Thank you for the honesty! I see that you already got a lot of comments but if no one said anything about attachment I think you should check it out. Reading your words makes me think of an avoidant attachment style. Wishing you all the best!
Your brain is just oversaturated with what love is and became temporarily numb. You see, the love you created in your head through novels, movies etc are different from what you're seeing in reality, as you're grown now... Your brain sees that and is logically thinking, thereby your withdrawal. But your heart is struggling, so yeah.
You just need to give it time and not forcing yourself or thinking "ah time has gone o, at this age". You'll be better.
My solution was prayer, lol. Did tahajjud about it and told Allah "I truly want a family of my own, I want a love-filled relationship. I'm not there yet emotionally but I want to be."
In a matter of days, I felt way better. I made sure not to rush myself.
This is so relatable cus I'm at that stage myself 😭, I want to love and to be loved but then each time I find myself in a TS something just bring me icks and I can't look beyond that
The level at which I get quite irritated easily ehn 😫😭, but I hope one day I will be able to feel freely but I don't think the time is now 😞
Hauwa, I am very sorry to hear that you are experiencing this emotion. As a Clinical Psychologist turned Life Purpose Coach Therapist, I wanted you to answer to yourself these questions:
1. What are you feeling right now, and why do you think you are feeling this way? (This will make you dive eep within your emotions, and you may find it a bit challenging)
2. What do you think is triggering this emotion? Think of situations, what was the behaviour that made you “stop” that behaviour?
3. Once you realise it, how can you address it?
4. Can you identify any patterns or recurring thoughts that contribute to this emotion?
I hope this helps you to dive deeper. Please be prepared as the triggers may take you on a different plane altogether. Sending you ❤️ and good vibes. Stay healthy.
I can totally relate to this. I watch romance movies and read novels all the time and I want what they have but once a guy approaches me, I run, I ghost.
I always tell myself that I will do better next time and open up a bit but it never happens. I always RUN. I don’t think I can get out of this phase, I’m hoping I do but it doesn’t seem likely.
I’m currently in this position and I couldn’t be more grateful that you’re writing about it. I thought I was alone since everyone around me seems to be able to maintain a relationship but while I want it, I don’t. I’ll also be reading the comments. Thank you Hauwa🩷
I'm really sorry you're going through that Hauwa, not to make any assumptions, but it could be predicated on experiences one tends to have. Reality is also often slightly offset from what we may see on movies, books or SM.
There's nothing wrong with you, take comfort in knowing that someone will come along at the right enough time and your heart will be cured. Love the newsletters !
I would have loved to write you a long poem about how I am rooting for your non existent love life but, I’m laughing at my underage self for even thinking for a second that I could relate 😭. This is just a phase, and it will pass very soon Hauwa and when it does, I hope I get an invite to your wedding just because. 😉 For now, continue being the sweet and funny, rich aunty-to-be character that I check my mail for her substack and sit in her IG page for new content every other day. 🫶
I do not know why I feel this same way even without watching romantic movies or reading romantic novels. Like if a guy is talking to me I just realize that I'm not interested just like that and they keep on coming and flooding my dm's but I'm not the type to keep a conversation going especially with strangers. Like why do I feel like I do not have emotions except anger and happiness, why do i feel like i cant love someone or be loved. What is going on with me.
It's sad! And it's undeniable that this things happen. And if i am being honest, then this is probably phase 1, it could extend, same energy will be directed towards friends and family.
My advice, go out more. I know you do that already. But go to place where there are lots of children. Visit places that would make you relieve your inner child. That would help. If you can, play as much as possible with children. I can't explain it, but they know how to bring the best out of the worst. Also, don't try to force the healing process. Take your time and speak to people who have been able to overcome theirs.
Omooo. I can totally relate to this. I have felt this way before and it is always crazier when you love love. I think the truth might be that you are tired. Tired because of your experiences with dating and love.
Movies don't do justice about how relationships can be messy sometimes. Lol.
I will suggest to leave this state, is seeking healing and letting yourself be open to recieving romantic love little by little till you are where you want to be. It won't be easy but it won't be worth it. And there's also a type of healing that happens in a relationship. I wish you the best.
P.S therapy might be expensive but counselling is not so much. They are not so expensive counsellors here in Nigeria.
Trust me, it doesn’t get better and there’s really no use forcing yourself. I’ve been emotionally unavailable all my life. It’s cute with the talking stage and the little not-dates, but the moment things starts to get serious, it’s like my interest just switches off and everything starts to annoy me, because what do you mean you went to my favourite restaurant, to buy me my favourite food after five have knack, can’t you see I’m inside already 🙄
The one time I decided to push past it, let’s just say I gave somebody’s son something to talk about doing therapy 🙂(in my defence, it was 2020, and I thought we agreed we were just passing time), so I decided to stay where I’m at, because no one deserves a disinterested partner
There’s really not a lot of hope here, so don’t push yourself to do too much, just make the little efforts.
Honestly you just wrote about my life cause this is meeee....I think I'm even worse
My friends come around and we all talk about their relationships and they turn to me and suddenly I'm the center of discussion
Why do you keep chasing men?
Reply his messages?
Don't block him!
Give love a chance
I'm honestly exhausted cause I barely feel anything for anyone....I don't know if it's because I told myself I'm better off alone or I just make excuses telling myself Medical school comes first
I crave emotional connection so bad but at the slightest interaction with a guy
I ghost or run....I just can't do it
It's exhausting living like this and scary too cause one day I will watch all my friends prioritised their romantic relationships above me and God knows I don't want to be alone
Now I understand what's happening to me...
Hi! Thank you for the honesty! I see that you already got a lot of comments but if no one said anything about attachment I think you should check it out. Reading your words makes me think of an avoidant attachment style. Wishing you all the best!
You're not dead inside, lol
Your brain is just oversaturated with what love is and became temporarily numb. You see, the love you created in your head through novels, movies etc are different from what you're seeing in reality, as you're grown now... Your brain sees that and is logically thinking, thereby your withdrawal. But your heart is struggling, so yeah.
You just need to give it time and not forcing yourself or thinking "ah time has gone o, at this age". You'll be better.
My solution was prayer, lol. Did tahajjud about it and told Allah "I truly want a family of my own, I want a love-filled relationship. I'm not there yet emotionally but I want to be."
In a matter of days, I felt way better. I made sure not to rush myself.
The way I can relate to this😫
Hmmmn
This is so relatable cus I'm at that stage myself 😭, I want to love and to be loved but then each time I find myself in a TS something just bring me icks and I can't look beyond that
The level at which I get quite irritated easily ehn 😫😭, but I hope one day I will be able to feel freely but I don't think the time is now 😞
Hauwa, I am very sorry to hear that you are experiencing this emotion. As a Clinical Psychologist turned Life Purpose Coach Therapist, I wanted you to answer to yourself these questions:
1. What are you feeling right now, and why do you think you are feeling this way? (This will make you dive eep within your emotions, and you may find it a bit challenging)
2. What do you think is triggering this emotion? Think of situations, what was the behaviour that made you “stop” that behaviour?
3. Once you realise it, how can you address it?
4. Can you identify any patterns or recurring thoughts that contribute to this emotion?
I hope this helps you to dive deeper. Please be prepared as the triggers may take you on a different plane altogether. Sending you ❤️ and good vibes. Stay healthy.
I can totally relate to this. I watch romance movies and read novels all the time and I want what they have but once a guy approaches me, I run, I ghost.
I always tell myself that I will do better next time and open up a bit but it never happens. I always RUN. I don’t think I can get out of this phase, I’m hoping I do but it doesn’t seem likely.
I’m currently in this position and I couldn’t be more grateful that you’re writing about it. I thought I was alone since everyone around me seems to be able to maintain a relationship but while I want it, I don’t. I’ll also be reading the comments. Thank you Hauwa🩷
I'm really sorry you're going through that Hauwa, not to make any assumptions, but it could be predicated on experiences one tends to have. Reality is also often slightly offset from what we may see on movies, books or SM.
There's nothing wrong with you, take comfort in knowing that someone will come along at the right enough time and your heart will be cured. Love the newsletters !
I would have loved to write you a long poem about how I am rooting for your non existent love life but, I’m laughing at my underage self for even thinking for a second that I could relate 😭. This is just a phase, and it will pass very soon Hauwa and when it does, I hope I get an invite to your wedding just because. 😉 For now, continue being the sweet and funny, rich aunty-to-be character that I check my mail for her substack and sit in her IG page for new content every other day. 🫶
It may sound funny but you need time to heal. You need time to let your emotions heal and be ready. So just give it time.
I do not know why I feel this same way even without watching romantic movies or reading romantic novels. Like if a guy is talking to me I just realize that I'm not interested just like that and they keep on coming and flooding my dm's but I'm not the type to keep a conversation going especially with strangers. Like why do I feel like I do not have emotions except anger and happiness, why do i feel like i cant love someone or be loved. What is going on with me.
PS: I'm still a teenager