I’m not fine Hauwa. I will be 18 in a few weeks and I’m so scared. I asked my brother for money and he was telling me that “Shebi, you too you are already becoming an adult”. And so? 😭 My academic life and I are now inside toxic relationship. I’m chasing first class but, it is refusing to chase me back. Sometimes, I just want to not be cheerful, sometimes I want to sulk and cry in my bed the whole day. I want to wear my period stained clothes on my period stained bed and just listen to Juice world and wonder why I’m not a princess but, I can’t even do that because life is not going to wait for me to be ready to face it. Who will read my books for the tests I have this week? Dead artist? 😭 The best I can do is lament like this and hope that it will all pass very soon.
My words might not make you feel any better but, your thoughts will make you feel better. I hope you will be genuinely happy very soon for as long as you need to be. For now, sulk and cry because even if life doesn’t wait for us we will run after it after crying. ✨
My good sis, I stand with you on the fear of aging but as someone who has been 18 and is now 19, might graduate with a 4.4 unless there's divine intervention because I'm now in my finals.
Just breathe, cry but breathe, be broke o, but still breathe.
Did I forget to mention that my card declined this morning, insufficient funds and what I wanted to purchase was 230😂.
I had a good laugh after this one.
You'll be fineee, okayyyyy. You'll be veryyyy fine, one day you'll look back and you'll be filled with so much gratitude because you'd have come a long way.
Success in your academics, do your best and leave the rest in God's hands. Take that evening stroll, sleep, sleep, dance in your room (not to juice world oo) play something light, look at your mirror and see how gorgeous you are.
I know you might not look gorgeous but just look at that mirror and tell yourself, this too, shall pass.
You have no idea how freeing it feels to know that this is normal, that this… heaviness that hovers around and makes everything feel like it’s too much effort, is not an isolated event. It’s not just me. My moments of neglect are mostly mental because I have to show up and be a functional adult 5 days a week, but most weekends all I can do is just breathe. It’s a struggle because everyone else seems to have it all together and I’m just here floundering, but what can a girl do?
Sending you all the psychological strength I can, from one tired mind to another.
Definitely leading us into a hole 😂a lot of “what ifs” have been running through my mind and thoughts of what to do to elevate my degree that I can’t seem to use yet, with those thoughts come with the need for funds to do the things i know will help. As i “worry”, I’m in bed the whole week with my thoughts and in my feelings. Depressed? Maybe, my mom’s death anniversary is on the 1st. It’s been years but that too weighs me down. Oh how i long for her embrace, eeeiii! A lot is going on in my head i can’t even organize my thoughts to type properly. When you can(might want to make a conscious decision), use that spa voucher. Maybe, just maybe it’ll take the weight off a little. 🤍💡
I’m not fine either. In one month Ive had a bad fall and two staples nail gunned into my scalp. Following a wellness check I became as sick as I’ve ever been with a most painful strep throat. And then my bank account got hacked and robbed. So July has been awful. But I’m leaving the house of pain and returning to the family nest for awhile. Thd scar is in my hairline. Thd money dill be returned due to fraud. Thd new place is suburban and alienating but I read and write. So life goes on. Sometimes a neglectful two days is just a stinky holiday from passing for perfection.
Humans have a wide range of emotions and moods available to us. Why the modern world wants to restrict us to just one, happiness, is beyond me. It's not all pretty but it is all human.
Life is lifing and we all are surviving, everytime i think i've got my finances sorted, black tax comes in a new way to steal it, and all i wanna do is buy a meal and just eat but buying food now takes the use of scale of preference if not another reason to be in debt, which is the only thing im trying to avoid so badly
Hauwa, My Month of Neglect is turning to Months, I don’t enjoy anything again.. every time my phone rings it gives me anxiety, I just want to be by myself all day.
First of all, you have the best taste in music 🥹 The song you sent last and today's own lifted my soul and I love them.
Please share your playlist with me if you don't mind.
I understand how you feel because I have been there for a months. I have tried everything but I keep sinking. Worst of all, I had to write exams and I don't live alone so I have people asking me why I am laying on the floor dirty and not caring just watching movies.
Like my friend will say, a better day will come either tomorrow or next, just keep holding on till it comes.
I'm sending you hugs and I encourage you to enjoy you month of neglect to your fullest. I'm currently seeing My Sweet Mobster, a Korean series.
Hmmm Hauwa,I have being in this phase for a while now,I don’t know who sent me to quit the customer service job I had and decided that I want to be an hairstylist(a bridal hairstylist) the way it is going is not how i envisaged at all at all, I used all my savings to train and buy the tools I need, there are days I get clients and there are periods everywhere is silent, there are times I question myself, cause it is looking like I don’t know what I am doing
I can’t have that alone time, peace(more like worry) and quiet you have because I still stay with my parents and I crave just staying in darkness but I can’t have it. You see that part of exploring the streets sexually I relate to it so well but the fear of catching something that I don’t have money to treat or falling pregnant will not allow me,because who will buy pampers and pay school at this stage
I really hope I get out of this phase and it does become a cycle for me
Thank you for sharing this with us,I feel relieved that it is not only me that gets like this sometimes
I’m not fine Hauwa. I will be 18 in a few weeks and I’m so scared. I asked my brother for money and he was telling me that “Shebi, you too you are already becoming an adult”. And so? 😭 My academic life and I are now inside toxic relationship. I’m chasing first class but, it is refusing to chase me back. Sometimes, I just want to not be cheerful, sometimes I want to sulk and cry in my bed the whole day. I want to wear my period stained clothes on my period stained bed and just listen to Juice world and wonder why I’m not a princess but, I can’t even do that because life is not going to wait for me to be ready to face it. Who will read my books for the tests I have this week? Dead artist? 😭 The best I can do is lament like this and hope that it will all pass very soon.
My words might not make you feel any better but, your thoughts will make you feel better. I hope you will be genuinely happy very soon for as long as you need to be. For now, sulk and cry because even if life doesn’t wait for us we will run after it after crying. ✨
My good sis, I stand with you on the fear of aging but as someone who has been 18 and is now 19, might graduate with a 4.4 unless there's divine intervention because I'm now in my finals.
Just breathe, cry but breathe, be broke o, but still breathe.
Did I forget to mention that my card declined this morning, insufficient funds and what I wanted to purchase was 230😂.
I had a good laugh after this one.
You'll be fineee, okayyyyy. You'll be veryyyy fine, one day you'll look back and you'll be filled with so much gratitude because you'd have come a long way.
Success in your academics, do your best and leave the rest in God's hands. Take that evening stroll, sleep, sleep, dance in your room (not to juice world oo) play something light, look at your mirror and see how gorgeous you are.
I know you might not look gorgeous but just look at that mirror and tell yourself, this too, shall pass.
XOXO
Thank you so much. I’m going to screenshot this comment and reread every time I feel like running away. 🥹🫶
Thank you, Hauwa🥺. That’s exactly how I have been feeling since May. I really do hope it gets better soon because I’m drained.😞
You are going to be fine. We are all going to be fine.
Hauwa,
You have no idea how freeing it feels to know that this is normal, that this… heaviness that hovers around and makes everything feel like it’s too much effort, is not an isolated event. It’s not just me. My moments of neglect are mostly mental because I have to show up and be a functional adult 5 days a week, but most weekends all I can do is just breathe. It’s a struggle because everyone else seems to have it all together and I’m just here floundering, but what can a girl do?
Sending you all the psychological strength I can, from one tired mind to another.
Hauwa
I've been going through it too and I can relate.
I wrote about it here https://open.substack.com/pub/herview/p/falling-apart?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1mro2h
You can read it.
Sisters in grief and neglect hehe
Thank youuu. I’ll read it!
Definitely leading us into a hole 😂a lot of “what ifs” have been running through my mind and thoughts of what to do to elevate my degree that I can’t seem to use yet, with those thoughts come with the need for funds to do the things i know will help. As i “worry”, I’m in bed the whole week with my thoughts and in my feelings. Depressed? Maybe, my mom’s death anniversary is on the 1st. It’s been years but that too weighs me down. Oh how i long for her embrace, eeeiii! A lot is going on in my head i can’t even organize my thoughts to type properly. When you can(might want to make a conscious decision), use that spa voucher. Maybe, just maybe it’ll take the weight off a little. 🤍💡
I’m not fine either. In one month Ive had a bad fall and two staples nail gunned into my scalp. Following a wellness check I became as sick as I’ve ever been with a most painful strep throat. And then my bank account got hacked and robbed. So July has been awful. But I’m leaving the house of pain and returning to the family nest for awhile. Thd scar is in my hairline. Thd money dill be returned due to fraud. Thd new place is suburban and alienating but I read and write. So life goes on. Sometimes a neglectful two days is just a stinky holiday from passing for perfection.
Oh Hausa🫠🫂
It’s like we really are all living the same lives😭 I wish the world would give us a break to just exist without striving to do something 😩
Honestly praying for piece of mind and true rest for you 🤲🏿 Send hugs and prayers to us all may we know better days 🌹
What if I'm still 17, no hope of admission into the university and my parents are starting to see me like I'm not doing anything with my life.
An I allowed to have these months of neglect.
Lately I've been feeling like I want to do something but then again I just want to do nothing.
I feel like a failure.
Failure bawo, you're not a failure!
And you're allowed to have your months of neglect, or maybe hours sha.
You have your whole life ahead of you, there's so much more to who you are.
If I'm sounding like a motivational speaker, i don't mean tooo.
But you can totally have your hours, minutes, month and days of neglect.
You're doing well sistah!
Welldone
I can't say that it'll get better with time, but everything will be fine
Amennnn thank you
Humans have a wide range of emotions and moods available to us. Why the modern world wants to restrict us to just one, happiness, is beyond me. It's not all pretty but it is all human.
Life is lifing and we all are surviving, everytime i think i've got my finances sorted, black tax comes in a new way to steal it, and all i wanna do is buy a meal and just eat but buying food now takes the use of scale of preference if not another reason to be in debt, which is the only thing im trying to avoid so badly
Hauwa, My Month of Neglect is turning to Months, I don’t enjoy anything again.. every time my phone rings it gives me anxiety, I just want to be by myself all day.
I hope it gets better soon tho.
I hope you get better, hauwa and i hope you start smiling ear to ear soon.... xx
Hauwa 🥹
First of all, you have the best taste in music 🥹 The song you sent last and today's own lifted my soul and I love them.
Please share your playlist with me if you don't mind.
I understand how you feel because I have been there for a months. I have tried everything but I keep sinking. Worst of all, I had to write exams and I don't live alone so I have people asking me why I am laying on the floor dirty and not caring just watching movies.
Like my friend will say, a better day will come either tomorrow or next, just keep holding on till it comes.
I'm sending you hugs and I encourage you to enjoy you month of neglect to your fullest. I'm currently seeing My Sweet Mobster, a Korean series.
You can try it out, I am enjoying it.❤️
Sending you hugs!!
Hauwa and always making me feel better , am feeling better because I know I am not the only one there 😥, pray we all find genuine happiness 🙏
Hmmm Hauwa,I have being in this phase for a while now,I don’t know who sent me to quit the customer service job I had and decided that I want to be an hairstylist(a bridal hairstylist) the way it is going is not how i envisaged at all at all, I used all my savings to train and buy the tools I need, there are days I get clients and there are periods everywhere is silent, there are times I question myself, cause it is looking like I don’t know what I am doing
I can’t have that alone time, peace(more like worry) and quiet you have because I still stay with my parents and I crave just staying in darkness but I can’t have it. You see that part of exploring the streets sexually I relate to it so well but the fear of catching something that I don’t have money to treat or falling pregnant will not allow me,because who will buy pampers and pay school at this stage
I really hope I get out of this phase and it does become a cycle for me
Thank you for sharing this with us,I feel relieved that it is not only me that gets like this sometimes